One reason I fight for equality

When I opened up my Google Chrome app to start this blog post, I took a quick scan at my open tabs. The usual: Facebook, Tasty on Buzzfeed, Ultimate Guitar, Gmail for both work and personal accounts. The last one, not-so-usual: North Vancouver RCMP. Why? Because yesterday I had to phone and make a report. Because yesterday a man followed me to a park. Because yesterday (and today) I feared for my safety and felt that I needed to notify law enforcement to be physically sure I was safe. 

This is not okay. It's not fair that I am made to feel unsafe in my own neighbourhood. It's not fair that a man I don't even know has this power over me. It's not fair that I can't go to the park to have a little quiet and a prayer without fearing for my safety. It's not fair that this man has claimed this role in my life. It's not fair. 

I've always been a pretty strong fighter towards injustice. I've always believed in equality. I've never felt too oppressed as a woman. The reason I was always a feminist was because I know there are woman in this world being oppressed day after day to the point of beatings, rapes and murders simply because of their gender. I knew that there are men out there who believe that I shouldn't be doing my job as a youth worker and missionary because I am a woman. I knew that the idea of going outside and having that split second thought of I best be on guard because what if...  was always a source of anger for me because it's not a thought I should be having. I knew that there were reasons I was a feminist even though I had never felt oppressed myself. But all that changed yesterday. 

I've always known what I am fighting for. I've always known why I fight for equality. But it was one of those things that I fought for in support of and not because I've felt it personally. A sister standing together with the sisters who feel the oppression daily. Fighting for the protection of women who deal with things that could happen to me but haven't yet. I've known the possibility of it happening to me but I've always blown past it thinking and knowing that Canada is a pretty progressive country compared to some. I've always felt fortunate to live in Canada where fighting for equality is something we do and is something that is heard. I'm thankful to have a leader who believes in woman's rights and who fights alongside us and the countless organizations helping our sisters near and far. But all that changed yesterday.

Yesterday was the first time I actually noticed my "weakness" -- for lack of a better word-- as a woman towards a man. I knew that if he decided to try something, there was little that I would have been able to do to stop it. The fact that he felt it was okay to harass me in that way makes me sick to my stomach. This is not okay. I don't know how many times I can say it, this is NOT okay. 

I believe that God created us all equally. So to me it doesn't make sense that one gender would have authority over another. But that's what has come out of the brokenness in this world. Men feel it okay to treat women unjustly. Men feel it okay to say whatever they want to women. Men feel it okay to do whatever they want to women. And this is where the injustice, the inequality stands: men think they are greater than women. Not saying all men do, but a good portion of them do and that's what leads to a man following me to a park, stopping me several times and then whistling and staring at me from his car. That's what leads me to need to pack up my stuff, run to a nearby stranger and ask that I be walked home because I'm afraid that I could be harmed in some way. 

This shouldn't be a fear. Women should not have to be raising up other women with the belief that they need to protect themselves because "you never know" We should feel a sense of safety with everyone we encounter. But because there is brokenness in this world, that's simply not the case. It pains me to know that what I'm feeling is only a small fraction of what many other women feel daily. It pains me to know that we live in a world that causes this kind of anxiety. 

So with all that being said, I will continue to fight for equality. I will continue to push past the stigma of man being greater than woman. This encounter has only fuelled my fight more. It has only made me want to stand up taller, yell louder and fight harder. Because it's not okay that I am now afraid to go outside. Because it isn't fair that women all over the world are afraid of their fathers, brothers, husbands, sons or strangers. Because whether or not you declare yourself a feminist, you need to know that this is not okay. 

Singleness: a prescription not a disease

One of the greatest pre-apocalyptic tragedies of the 21st century is being a single adult in the church. I'm only half kidding here. I've had so many conversations with single Christians that go something like this:

"This morning at church I got asked if I had found anyone special yet" 

"Oh yeah? How did that go?"

"When I said 'no' they asked if I wanted to be set up"

"Yup that sounds about right"

"When I said 'no' they told me I should give online dating a try"

"Oh, like, just give it a go? WOW, never thought of that before"

"When I said 'no' they told me not to worry, my day will come"

"Right, yeah, totally."

"So I should just sit around and wait for that day right?"

"Yeah, well you've obviously got nothing else to live for... I mean your life hasn't even started yet. You're single and how can your life start when you're single?" 

If you're single and a Christian, you've probably had some sort of conversation like this. Give or take a few colourful words. Let's be honest, if you're single and in the church it's almost like you've been branded with the word "SINGLE" across your forehead until one day some plastic surgeon can come and skin graft it off for you and then you marry that plastic surgeon because they took the word "SINGLE" off your forehead. UGH SO ROMANTIC YOU GUYS. 

My mum just recently started telling me to "get on it" with marriage. "Hurry up, I'm not going to be around forever, COME ON". All I thought was it's about damn time MOM. I've been fortunate enough to grow up with a mum who didn't force the fantasy fairytale of my one day Prince Charming. It was never a topic of discussion. We never sat and dreamed about the man I would one day marry. I'll be honest, there were some loses in not having that but it solidified one very important, major truth: I don't need a man to complete me. There was no promise a guy would come sweep me off my feet. No promise a guy would marry me. There was no waiting around for this day to come. My life was already in motion and it is going somewhere. Man or not. 

There is this intense pressure to be married. This intense pressure to find true love. This intense pressure to "fulfill God's will". It's sad. It's hard. And it makes for a lot of depressed single people. 

I've been in relationships before. I've had boyfriends. I've had the thought of "he's the one". I've had the almost, the casual, the "what even are we". Bottomline: the guys in my life should have treated me better. Destruction and damage happened and I thought I could fix the hurt by letting the next guy fill in the hole the last one dug. Leading to a lot of destructive behaviour. 

I needed to be single. And it is okay to need that. It is 100%, totally, completely, without a doubt okay to be single. In fact it's even good. 

I'm not saying that it's not okay for people to be in relationships. Hell, if you've found your partner in crime, you go Glen Coco. That's a beautiful and wonderful thing. But singleness is also a beautiful and wonderful thing. 

I'm going on 5 years of singleness. That's 5 years without a boyfriend or even a date. And I feel great about it. I've learned my independence, my value, my self-worth, my abilities, my goals, my dreams, my strengths, my weaknesses all on my own. All without a man helping me. Well, one man helping me, shout out to you Papa G!

I would like a man in my life one day. But my prescribed singleness taught me that I don't need one. One day God may add a man to my life without adding a man to help start my life. I don't think I would have learned the importance in that without being single. 

I'm scared that if we continue to push singles to find someone they will be putting all their eggs in one basket. Waiting for the day the "special someone" enters their life. I was at camp this summer and the speaker was amazing and so on point with a lot of things. But one thing caught me off guard. He got all the single high schoolers and staff to stand and looked us all in the eye and said "God has the perfect someone for you". I understand his intentions. I understand the underlining meaning of "don't settle". But man, those words hurt my heart. What if that day never comes for one of those kids? What if they have a call of singleness on their lives? What if they go home and sit around waiting for the day? What if they start getting upset that it hasn't happened yet? What if they quickly jump into a relationship because that was promised to them? 

I think it's time to start reminding people that post-marriage abstinence is good. Totally kidding. Just needed to lighten the seriousness for a moment. BUT I do think it is time to start reminding people that it is okay to be single. It is a good thing. We need to start learning how to live well on our own first. How to live well in our own singleness. Being single doesn't mean you're damaged or ruined or desperate. It just means you're single. And that's good. 

Part 1: Introduction

I want to introduce you to a friend of mine. She moves with careless wonder, luscious hair, shoulders back, murder on her mind. Some may call her the re-incarnate of Jesus Christ. But I, I call her Nighthawk.

I first met Nighthawk during a rendition of “Pontoon”.  A song that once tore my heart strings to pieces because, lesbehonest, who doesn’t want to float down a river on a huge barge? Anyway, she was singing, I was sitting in the corner holding a tambourine that I was supposed to shake but instead was so captivated by the beautiful melodic sounds happening that I forgot MY ONE JOB. (That and the fact that I am the person in the crowd who is ALWAYS clapping off beat because—unlike my old gangsta self—I have ZERO rhythm).

I later joined Nighthawk and her fellow musicians to only be greeted with: “You two look the exact same”. And thus began a friendship for the books.

**I am going to take a pause here and actually note that I am, in fact, a youth worker and Nighthawk is, in fact, my youth. Take that info and do with it what you will**

Nothing starts a blossoming bosom buddy relationship faster than similar clothing. Because, obviously, when two people look the same they have the same thoughts, the same personality, and, duh, the same interests. It’s science. Get over it.

So began one for the books. Nothing in hanging out with this fine, majestic creature of the night involves chilling. We are always on the move. Whether it be the fine blue tables of her current job establishment, or the careless and cleverness of her onsie, Nighthawk always walks on the wildside. Which gives me more than enough stories to share.

And thus commences the one and only series of: Adventures Of NIGHTHAWK (which I may add is, in fact, considered by Microsoft word a real word)

Life's hard, shit happens, but God...

Recently I've found myself in a tough situation. We don't have to get into any details because that's really not what matters. What matters is how I am walking with it. Rather, how God is helping me walk with it. 

Tough situations always make me think about cursing God. And because I am a very good little Christian girl, I never curse God. Like never, ever, ever. EVER. 

JK, LOL... it happens all the time. 

In fact, I feel like I curse God in all my prayers that have the phrase BUT GOD 

"I'm really struggling right now BUT GOD  I don't want to" 

"Jesus, can you tell me what to do BUT GOD don't make it too hard"

"Jesus, help me understand BUT GOD tell me exactly what I want to hear"

But God this and but God that... I feel like a five year old. 

See whenever I say the words BUT GOD what I am really saying is "I know how to do this life better than you know how to do my life so can you puh-lease do it the way I want it done?"
 It is all very scandalously manipulative. 

During this sticky situation I found myself really praying out to God and asking him to help me get over it. Asking him to make it all better. Asking him to make it go away. 

"BUT GOD FIX IT!!!"

And praise Jesus, he kindly did. But in a very, very, very different way than I thought he would.

He calmed me down. Gave peace to my heart. Gave me forgiveness. Gave me love. But most of all he gave me a realization. He fixed my eyes on him rather than my situation. 

As I was walking to the grocery store today to clear my head and buy some milk, I couldn't help thinking about how stressed I was about my current situation. My mood was bad, my face was scrunched and it was a BEAUTIFUL day outside so my whole inside was like "God how dare you make this beautiful in the middle of my misery." I looked across the street and saw an adorable, beautiful little toddler girl walking with her grandma (or so it looked, I don't know these people). All I heard in my head was:

BUT I'M STILL GOOD. 

I smiled. I kept watching this little girl walk with her (assumed) grandma. She was flopping along down the road. Her grandma grabbed her hand and taught her how to look both ways before crossing the street. Her grandma stopped her to show her the beautiful flowers on the side of the road. Her grandma let her run ahead and enjoy the freedom of not being tied to a hand. 

BUT I'M STILL GOOD.

God reminded me that amidst the struggle, amidst the tough times, amidst the stress and uncertainty, he is still good. He is still present. He is still working. 

He made it clear to me that life is going to have all sorts of ups and downs, it's going to seem unfair sometimes, shit is going to hit the fan, but he is still good. 

God sometimes will walk with us holding our hand, teaching us how to look both ways before continuing life. God sometimes will make us stop and smell the flowers and enjoy what is around us. God sometimes will let us run ahead as he sits back and watches. And maybe God will sometimes hide in a bush eagerly and expectantly waiting for us to find him. 

So though this is a crummy time, and little bit of a hard season, God is still good. I don't want to curse God for not doing it my way because I don't know everything. I want to thank God for walking with me. Find him amidst the hardship. I don't want to "but God" him. I want to praise him in the hard times and praise him in the good times and continuously walk through life with him. Asking questions, learning lessons and finding beauty in it all. 

Because: 

Life's hard.

Shit happens. 

But God is still good. 

Love the People

I believe in God and I love God.
I believe in Jesus and I love Jesus.
I believe in people and I love people.

A little while ago I was perusing Facebook-- as one does when one is bored-- and I was mad. Just mad. I have come to terms with the amount of opinions on Facebook, respectively, because that is what Facebook has turned into and if I don't like it I don't have to have it, simple as that. But I like it so instead I decide to put up with some crazy opinions here and there, deleting and unfollowing the few posts I get sick by. But recently I was at a loss for words. It all started with a comment on a post that read "I have only ever experienced hate from Christians..."

To be clear, I am not at a loss for words at this comment. Because I completely understand where this person is coming from and I'll get to more of that a little later. But I was at a loss for words at the reply and reaction of people defending their faith. In no way or other did anyone apologize for the hate that this person obviously felt. They went into defending their faith by listing off all the places where this person feeling all the hate went wrong. As if to say "well you're only feeling that hate because you"re basically living your life wrong, so do it our way and you'll feel the love".

At reading these comments I just wanted to message this person right away and apologize and hug them for all the ways we have failed in displaying love. The comments attacking this person were full of hate disguised as God's love.

You see, as Christians, we feel a sense of authority over everyone else. We feel as though we've got it all figured out and have to tell everyone else how to live their life in order for them to come to know Jesus. And when we see someone sinning we think "oh pour broken person, let me tell you how to exactly live your life so you don't do stupid things anymore and God can love you". But what we fail to remember is that we as Christians are just as broken, just as insignificant, just as unworthy as we claim everyone else to be. We think we live under an umbrella of favouritism over everyone else because we have been saved. When in truth, that is simply not the case.

Truth is: God loves all His children equally. Full stop. I am not going to go into detail here because there is simply no point. Because that is it. There is nothing more to add to "God loves all His children equally" because that is all there is. There is no one who is loved more or less because of their actions. It's as simple as that. God loves all His children. Equally.

Authority and hierarchy have ruined relationships. We think because we have been saved we have all the power in the world to tell people how to live their lives. I know we are supposed to help a fellow believer when they stumble. But that's just it: a fellow believer. We can't expect someone who doesn't believe in God act as though they are following God. And in any case, God is the one who does the convicting, judging and changing, not us. God changes us from the inside out, not the outside in. You don't have to prepare yourself with a sinless life and pure white gown in order to come to God. It happens from the inside out and all the rest will follow. And if we build relationships with people instead of tear them down, we can walk with them in the process.

If we are preaching hate, we are only furthering people from actually stepping into any sort of openness with God. Through our words and our actions, we have made God into a bully when really it is us who are the bullies. We as Christians are meant to know love so deep, so rich, so full and so extraordinary that we can't help but have it seeping out our pores, flowing from our mouths and soaking every word we speak. But we don't. Instead we preach rules and regulations in order to make people want to change their lives.  But I refuse to go on Facebook-- because Facebook is no place to air out someone else's dirty laundry--hide behind my keyboard and tell everyone what they are doing wrong and why they need to stop.

Because as a Christian, and a human being, I refuse to be another reason why someone feels unloved. 

Instead I choose to love the people around me. I choose to live my life in a way that will bring glory to God. I choose to be the person that someone would want to run to in the middle of hurt and brokenness instead of run away from. Because I am loved just as much as the next person whether or not they live the same way as I do. And just like the next person I am going to screw up and make mistakes, but I would rather someone help me up and tell me to keep moving forward and love me through my mistakes than push me down further telling me all the ways I went wrong. Instead I want people to say "I have experienced nothing but love from Christians..."

But that's just me and my simple mind. 

Buckets of Ice

People are skeptical and that makes me sad. I have been around long enough to see this. Everytime something goes viral-- unless of course it is a funny cat video-- some people criticize the impact of and judge others for jumping on the band wagon. One fairly popular incident in which most of you will remember was the "Kony 2012" movement and you can read my thoughts on that one here.

But this isn't a round two of Kony. This is about my thoughts on the ALS ice bucket challenge.

First I'll start off on saying that I quite like the ice bucket challenge. I think it is a crazy, cool, fun idea to raise awareness and money and everyone is able to put their own spin on it from just the simple `dump and bucket on your head" to "I'll poor myself a scotch with a couple ice blocks and write out a cheque" Cheers, Patrick Stewart. I also quite like it because I know a family who was affected by this disease and I saw their struggle as they went through it and were reminded often that there is no cure. So when I first saw all the hype on the ice bucket challenge I felt some relief in knowing that there might be hope in some research and awareness.

The internet is an incredible way of raising awareness and passing things along because everyone is so connected through the internet. So connected. But there is always another side to everything that happens on the internet. On one hand you notice all the gung ho people involved in the challenge, their screams and their encouragement to keep the awareness going. But then you see the other side. People who are skeptical. "They're doing nothing"... "That's not helping anyone"... "It's just another viral bandwagon"

This makes me so sad. When you look at the facts you see that more and more people are discovering the sadness of ALS. You see that over 50 million dollars has already been raised. And you see that hope is being given to those who are suffering from the disease.

People are annoyed at the self hype and the frequency of seeing the videos. But when it is something funny everyone shares it and has a good laugh. Personally I think it comes back to the old fashioned saying "ignorance is bliss". If we don't know about it, we don't have to do anything about it. If we close our eyes and cover our ears, we don't have to worry about the struggles of this world. If we don't know, we can live in peace.

I was listening to the radio and the guy was talking about how it's just getting more and more people to do the ice bucket challenge and people are jumping in and it's getting out of control. All I could think of was "Isn't that the whole point?" When a campaign starts, don't we want as many people as possible involved? The whole point was to raise awareness and look at how many people are aware now-- even if half those people are annoyed.

Face it, we have no trouble at all whinging about our own lives in a status. We can go all day long updating our statuses about how "we hate being sick", "yay to the single life", "UGH! McDonalds gave me coke instead of pepsi!" But as soon as something goes viral for a cause, there are those people who jump up and say "umm, excuse me, my news feed can't handle you changing the world"

Think about those families affected by ALS. Just think about them for a minute. How do you think they are feeling? I don't know about you, but I don't think they are sitting in their rooms yelling "how dare they shine light on ALS". In fact I almost guarantee it.

The thing about our society now a days is that to make anything known, you need to annoy the heck out of people. When things go viral, things get heard. Even though the ice bucket challenge is taking over our news feeds now, it's still doing something, it's still doing something. And that's the whole point. Isn't it?

Graduation Time

It's come to that time of year. Our Lifeteams year has almost come to a close and it wont be long before we will all be driving down that big driveway and continuing on the journey of our lives.

 It's been a wild adventure these past 8 months. Full of ups and downs and lessons. A lot of lessons. People generally ask me what has been the most significant moment of my year and I don't have an answer for them. To tell you the truth, this year has been filled with so many significant moments it's hard to draw it all down to one big one that defines my whole year. If I were to describe my whole Lifeteams experience down to one sentence, I can't. There aren't enough words to give the perfect description, the perfect sentence, the perfect way of saying Lifeteams changed my life.

You don't know until you know.... You know? 

You don't know the feeling until you've felt it. You don't know the connections until you're connected. You don't know the change until you've been changed. There is no way for you to fully understand what I have gone through in the past 8 months without actually going through it yourself. 

But I can tell you this:

Lifeteams has been the most inspirational, faith shaping year of my entire life. 

God has worked in me and through me despite all of my struggles and short comings. He has shaped me and molded me into becoming a stronger woman of Christ without my even knowing. He has placed people in my life who have become so important to me and given me the acceptance and love I have longed for in such a long time. 

I have been taught a numerous amount of things that I am going to hold on to for the rest of my life. Things that will only shape me for the better and help me to become a great youth worker. There were things that I was taught this year that were hard and not so comfortable but there were also things I was taught that only opened my eyes wider to the love that God has for his people. And trust me, he loves them A LOT! I was given an undivided heart and shown what it looks like to really care for and love the people around me unconditionally. I was pushed further than I had ever been pushed before and that is just the half of it. The lessons I've learned have been incredibly life giving. 

I can't tell you the extreme emotions I am feeling right now (though I think you can probably guess). A plethora of different feelings is floating in and out of me as I look around my room to only see boxes and bags filled with my roommates' stuff. The walls are bare and it makes me sad. But also excited. Because I know that we will be moving on to greater things and continuing on this journey that God has called us to. For a short while our journeys crossed and it was an incredible joy and delight to get to know each one of my housemates individually and together. We were all placed in this house for different reasons but we all learned to grow and live together as a family. I'll admit, very difficult at times but such a blessing.  

I will never forget this year at Lifeteams and the people who came into my life. I have been blessed with one of the best years of my life. Soon I will be leaving this place but I will always remember what a great place it is.

The Lifehouse is starting to look less like a home and more like someone else's great adventure.
And I am so excited for them. 

With love, 

Cassia